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04 February 2005

I Forgot to Add the Hate

I pulled another example of a strange search engine query that led to my blog.

Malik Rose is dating...

I'm sensing a theme. Maybe this person found out Robert Horry has too many groupies and has moved on to Malik. Who's last on the list? Hmm. I'm guessing Mike Wilks.

So I've blathered a lot about the Spurs and the NBA, but not stuff I hate. I'm going to partially rectify this oversite by furthering exploring my abhorrence of Chris Webber. It will definitely involve some charts and graphs and lovely nights spent with Excel.

I think there are two players I've yet to grade. I'll get them out of the way before I get my hate on.

Mike Wilks, 5'-11" PG, 25 years old, 1.2 PPG, 0.5 APG, 48% FGP in 3.8 MPG

Mike went to Rice, so he's probably pretty smart. That's about the only good thing I can say about him. He sports a career FG% of 38% and 34% from behind the arc. To be honest, I have no idea why he's even on the roster let alone active. Why do we need three point guards, especially when Barry can play point in an emergency? From what I can tell, Mike is a short point guard who isn't a particularly good shooter. Those guys are a dime a dozen.

Maybe I'll start a petition to cut Mike Wilks. Sorry Mrs. Wilks. Your son/husband has cute, squeezable cheeks though. That's something.

I give him a D-.

Romain Sato, 6'-5" SG, 23 years old, yet to play

Romain Sato has been on the injured list all year with dry mouth. I am pretty sure he stayed all four years at Xavier, where he led his team fairly far into the tournament last year. From what I can recall. I may just be making that up.

Satoooooooooo is from Bangui. That's probably in Africa. Them African countries change their names every 3 months or 3 000 miles. I like having international players on the Spurs. It gives some justification to the "International" part of San Antonio International Airport. I'm sorry, but flying a two-seater to Nuevo Laredo does not qualify an airport as international. So, anyways, the Spurs are like way huge in Africa now.

I think Romain Sato is a very promising youngster. First off, his name is Romain, which is by far the best type of lettuce. Iceberg is for punk ass bitches. Secondly, his last name is Sato, which is a great character from Karate Kid II, which I liked way before I ever heard of the Sports Guy so get off my case. Sato is this bad-ass character that wants to kick Miyagi's ass. All he does all day is karate chop this big piece of wood. He's so mean that his name isn't even Sato, it's Satooooooooooo. And you have to say it in a raspy voice, too. He strikes fear into the hearts of the villagers and flosses every night. Hopefully Romain will find some way to incorporate lettuce or karate into his post-dunk celebrations.

I give him an A+.



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All content copyright Matthew Powell 2005.