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27 January 2005

Rick Adelman is an Excellent Driver

The light came on when, for the third time tonight, the TNT cameraperson zoomed in on Kings coach Rick Adelman's face. He was staring blankly, eyelids twitching arrhythmically. I think he was mentally going through the Ns in the Sacramento phone book.

Yes, that's right, Rick Adelman is an idiot-savant. It's the only explanation that makes any sense. Someone should throw a gross of toothpicks at his feet to verify.

The idiot part is easy to see. Any basketball fan with half a brain knows that Chris Webber is one of the most overrated players in the NBA. Yet Adelman still allows Webber to jack up 19.8 shots a game, 12-15 of them 18 feet from the basket. It would be one thing if it were a productive 20 shots, but no, Webber is averaging 1.085 points per shot, which is 25th out of 29 power forwards in the NBA. The league average is 1.200 PPS. It's not like Webber plays on a team with a bunch of scrubs that were lost of the offensive end. That would at least be an excuse, albeit a bad one. But no, Webber plays with likes of Peja (1.29 PPS), Bibby (1.30 PPS) and Miller (1.44 PPS).

I have to pause for a second. Seriously. I think my heart is palpitating. Let me explain something. This shit really makes me angry. I'm getting a glass of water.

Here's what should happen. It's quite simple.

When Divac left, pundits and fans pointed out the obvious: "Miller will take his place." That's somewhat right, but the implications are mostly wrong. Yes, Miller should get Divac's minutes, but Webber should take Divac's role. Webber should be on the block, hitting Bibby and Mobley on cuts. Webber should be in the corners, shooting the occasional wide open 15 footers off Bibby and Mobley penetration. Miller should be at the top of the key, picking and rolling and scoring about 20 on 15 shots a game.

But this will never happen because Rick Adelman is an idiot. "That's not fair!" you say! "Chris Webber won't be happy with a reduced offensive role! And he's making 15 million a year! He's got great hands!" Well, good-hearted basketball fans of the world, here's what I say to that. Again, this is simple. Rick Adelman just needs to sit Mr. Webber down and have the following conversation.

"Chris! How's it going? Saw those new spinning things on your Hummer! Those are pretty sweet, dawg! What kinda mileage that thing get? Oh. Wow. My Buick Regal gets a little better than that, unless I run the air conditioner. Have I ever mentioned that you have a really pretty smile and fabulous teeth? No, really, you do. And Tyra Banks, I mean, wow. She's smokin'! Anyways, about your role on offense with this team. Yeah, um, your about the fourth best player we got, so we're going to need you to play on the blocks more and shoot about ten less shots a game. And we need you to at least pretend to play defense, ok? You know, jump for rebounds and get your hands up. College type stuff. You remember college, right? When you were only getting paid half of what you make now... Oh, and one last thing. If you don't like it, go fuck yourself. Peace out."

How hard is that?

So we have the idiot part covered. Now for the savant part.

He still has his job. Done.


Oh, yeah the game.

Spurs coasted. Malik Rose played so badly that I thought Pop was going to walk out on the court, during play, and bust a cap in his ass. That one close up of Greg Ostertag made me laugh out loud. I don't care if he gave his sister both his damn kidneys, the man is one funny looking son of a bitch. Brad Miller gets screwed on about two foul calls per game. I am beginning to think Bibby's beardette is either a birthmark or an unexplainable phenomenon worthy of biopsy. Massenburg should never play more than 10 minutes under any circumstances. The Spurs first option on offense should be Nobili instead of Duncan.

There. I said it. I feel better.

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All content copyright Matthew Powell 2005.